The weather lately has reminded me of this album, rainy early mornings with the smell of the earth in the air, the sky as clear and grey as a nimbus. Faye Wong is one of my favorite musicians, her voice is honestly like the crooning of a lyrical bird calling me back to reality, despite the dreaminess of her songs. Though I love many of her albums, Random Thoughts, released in 1994, is probably my favorite. She feels the most down-to-earth to me, her music feels so hopeful and ethereal, I could sit out in the rain, among the verdant grass and jagged trees, and be lulled by her distinctive voice and dream pop soundscape.
Maybe it's my love of languages and my curiosity of having done this many times in my Japanese studies, but I want to take a moment to talk about the title 胡思亂想. In Cantonese, it's pronounced wu4 si1 lyun6 soeng2 and is an idiom, poetically enough. It means to let one's imagination run wild, which I think perfectly encapsulates this airy glimmer of an album.
The first track, which is also the title track, “胡思亂想 (random thoughts),” feels like a carefree soft stroll. The first line is 想哭想笑 也想跳 (I want to cry, I want to laugh, I want to dance), something about it feels like a flight of fancy, indulging in the small meditations of life. To scream and frown, to think of a loved one, to be in the dark, to think of the world. The song itself feels like floating through the rain of the sky, drunk on want, admiring the flowers. The idea of want repeats so much in the song, wanting to love again, wanting to get drunk, wanting to fly, there's a yearning in the softness of Faye's voice that amplifies this. The track feels as if shouting I want to kiss life, and though there are many beautiful lines, the literary verb 無慮 (worry about nothing) sticks out to me the most, as if being comforted and freed from care. This song feels light and carefree, random thoughts of wanting without guilt or anxiousness, as unabashed as the wind.
The second track on her album, “誓言 (pledge),” feels like a wistful mix between a cascade of dreamy texture and traditional flutes accompanied by Faye's breathy vocals. The song itself feels very bittersweet and open, denoting a change with the first line being, 我以為 永遠可以這樣相對 (I thought we could always face each other like this), a relationship so sincere you don't care about anything else, despite the unpaved road ahead, fueled on the pledge of love, the promise of an oath. The song expresses that initial peace well, the gentleness of the melody like an understanding shoulder to lean on, tired and wanting to stop, but for some reason you can't stop, love isn't a light switch easily turned on and off, after all. The song's honesty is admirable, realizing that one day you won't be able to catch sight of that love, still waiting for that unspoken pledge of absolute.
Maybe it's the dying romantic in me, but I can empathize with the concept of loving despite the fatigue in your heart, the line 把我的 心交給你來安慰 (I give you my heart to comfort me), probably sounds selfish, but I don't think so. We go into love at least somewhat selfish; we want comfort, we want love, we want understanding, if all we wanted was to love and comfort, we could do that with ease, most people wouldn't shy away from being adored, but it's more than just giving, it's receiving, a grasping back and forth through the shivering uncertainty. 別以為執著的心就不會被碰碎 (don't think that a persistent heart won't be shattered), it doesn't matter how hard you love someone, people come and go out of our lives all the time, like a river the current is always changing, you're always finding new shiny rocks and coming across all different types of freshwater fish. 別以為 我真的無所謂 (don't think I really don't care), people express emotions in different ways, just because something didn't work out doesn't necessarily mean it wasn't cherished. I believe each love we experience leaves a lasting indent in our hearts, shaped and touched by each person we meet, even if the pledges weren't kept.
Her tenth track, “回憶是紅色天空 (reminiscence is a red sky),” feels like an iridescent day, aching memories emphasized by warm violins drifting along a ballad melody. The first line, 難記起思憶掛念是何年 (it's hard to remember the year of nostalgia and longing) in and of itself feels like a sacred memory, the pain of loss sounds so delicate, Faye's voice like a whisper. I've said many goodbyes in my life to many people I've loved, people are always coming and going, leaving and staying, I've noticed that more than missing the actual person, I miss the memories and feelings associated with that person, I miss how they made me feel, their words, they stay in my heart and stick out in my dreams, mosaics of the past, 是你的叮囑似斷續難言 (it's your advice that seems intermittently indescribable).
Red colors this song like cherries, Faye sings of the cold emptiness of faded love, the recollection of a red scarf against a red sky, kissed goodbye, emotions fading with the light of the sun, a love having ended. Some people associate certain things with memories, an orange might remind you of your best friend's smile, or the smell of coffee might remind you of that one coworker who always asks how your weekend was. A roseate sunset brings back the memories of love, 又見那天色染著夕陽紅 (I see that day dyed with sunset red again), 而回憶不覺的暗湧 (and the unconscious surge of memories), suddenly reminded of the memories, doubting our hearts.
Speaking from personal experience, most people long to move on to the point we no longer recognize who we once kept in our heart, as cruel as it might sound, that distant memory tells us we've healed, bit back the cries of pain, trudged through the rehashing memories, grew as a person, 然而沒法再認出你 (but I can't recognize you anymore), 人在今天怎麼一個面容 (what kind of face does a person have today), to think it's been so long I don't remember your face anymore, what your smile looked like, how you laughed, the sparkle in your eyes, the curve of your cupid's bow, or the shape of your nose. A line that stuck out to me was 像你於身邊熾熱地重逄 (like you pounding passionately around me), the recollection of someone cherished can blaze around us, caught in the fire of what they meant to us, burnt by the idea of our hearts, and the memories of our passion.
The track feels so bittersweet with heavy emphasis on the sweetness, yearning drips from the instrumentals, there's oddly enough a peaceful feeling to the song, the idea of accepting the end. The repeating last lines, 當繽紛的晚霞漸凍 (when the colorful sunset gradually freezes), 天真的想法告終 (the naïve idea came to an end), emphasize this sentimentality with beautiful tenderness, caught in the middle of a fond memory, the remembrance ends with the sunset; reflective, but not heartbroken.
